Things I Don't Get, or Rant for Friday

Things I don't get by Matriarch:

I don't get why celebrities, rich people, anyone really, still gets caught drinking and driving. If you are Mel Gibson, that anti-semitic ranting moron, I get why you are a moron, I get that maybe you're an alcoholic, but why not just order a car service? What am I not getting here? Just admit, "I want to get stinking drunk, please, (fill in the blank with name of assistant), call someone to drive me home." He can certainly afford it. It would certainly be better than suffering the humiliation of the mug shot with your hair all sticking up and all the bad publicity. Not to mention that you could have killed someone on the road, hello!

The latest is Gary Collins driving his RV drunk. That is just wrong on so many levels. Poor Mary Ann. The shame of it all. Good thing she's a nice Southern gal and some things just aren't discussed in polite company.  

The other thing I don't get is why some people (you know who you are) have to blog about such personal stuff and then invite PEOPLE who KNOW you in the REAL world to read it. Okay, I understand that you have a need, an itch to scratch, so to speak. Certain proclivities you are just ACHING to talk about. Why on earth do you then have to invite me, who knows you from Cub Scouts or whatever, to read it? I don't need to know. I don't want to know. And now I am trying to rub my mind's eye to remove the huge mote your blog placed there. Thank God I have never met your husband, is what I am thinking. I'd have to blush. Come to think of it, I am blushing. Discretion, people. The phrase TMI was invented for you. If I don't know you and I come upon your blog it's different from actually knowing you. I don't have to subsequently run into you at the Shop Rite and have you ask me what I thought about your blog. And that's why I don't want to know about your toe fungus, your recent gyno infection or what you do with fruit roll ups in the privacy of your own home. You have been totally Jerry Springerized. It's not sharing if I don't want it.

The last thing I need, NEED, to rant about today is why celebrities ALWAYS wear bikinis on the beach. (Can you tell I've been indulging in the pop mags at the gym?) Some of you are quite lovely and that's what we like about you. Read thin. Others of you, are not, or are between pictures and have gone off the diet. Why do we need to see your cellulite or hanging pooch? Why not wear one of those nice suits from Lands End with the spandex in the tummy area? Or a sarong. More is not more. All it does is give fodder to the paparazzi with their telephoto lenses and make middle aged women like me feel more comfortable. And in my case, more grateful than ever for the burkini I'll be wearing this summer at the beach.