2 posts tagged “friends”

What makes a person rich?

It is hard to answer this without falling into cliche and truisms. I've been thinking about this so much having just reread The Great Gatsby. Sadly while Gatsby had more material wealth than any of us could probably imagine, at the end, he is alone with no one but Nick to stand by him. In death, none of the hordes of people around him in life even bothered to show up for the funeral.

So, wealth for me is all about the people in my life whom I love and who love me. In our society, where millions are spent just on convincing us that we need this toy or that accessory, it is hard to keep a clear vision of what matters, what is valuable. I have always been blessed with plenty of things, but more importantly, I was truly wealthy because I had parents and family who not only loved me, they gave me limits, and taught me to be compassionate, grateful and honorable. Later, I had good friends who would stand by me, tell me honestly when I was wrong and love me anyway with all my faults and foibles. In my adult life I have been incredibly wealthy because of my husband who is the prototype of the "stand-up" guy. He is the one you want to "have your back" no matter what. I also have healthy children who remind me every day that as hard as it is, I want to be the best I can so that I can give them what I had, spiritually, emotionally and socially, (not materially).

And finally, I am incredibly wealthy because I have a spiritual life that keeps me grounded, yet makes me want to always aspire to Jenna. I have a strong faith in God and right and all that is good in the world, which gives me perspective on the darkest days. and a tradition of doing good for others, spreading love and care to others who need it.

So while, I don't have the McMansion, or the fancy car or the designer clothes, my kids are fed, I have lights and clean water and people around me that I think are pretty cool for a lot of reasons. I am wealthy.

When I first met J, she was a nurse in my pediatrician's office. We'd chat when I brought in the kids for the check-ups and colds. She was funny and smart and we always seemed to have a lot to talk about. I looked forward to seeing her lovely face and hearing her raspy laugh. Later, her first and my second girls became friends and we saw more of each other. I loved spending time with her and her children. They were so polite, and intelligent; they were were so good. Sort of like my family if they had a really well mannered mother to raise them. You know, without the sarcasm and snarky comebacks.

When J's oldest was about three she couldn't find a good preschool and didn't know what to do. I told her to homeschool. (All it usually takes is someone to show you the ropes and let you know it is possible.) She was skeptical about being able to do it. She is a smart, bi-lingual woman with a love of children. At the worst, she could play with her daughter, read lots of books together, learn colors and numbers and then find a suitable school in a few years. Put like that, it didn't seem so daunting. She began and never looked back.

We were good friends, but the event which made us sisters happened about 7 years ago. Our girls were at Sunday school together and they were having the annual end of year recital. Children recited Qur'an, sang nasheed and the principal acted as MC with a running commentary and Islamic knowledge questions for the audience. Up until this time, J had remained a Christian. Her husband is a devout Muslim and though I am sure he prayed for her to convert, and she did study the religion, the choice had to be hers and she wasn't ready to make the commitment.

On this particular day, Brother M asked the audience a question, something about the age of the Prophet when such and such happened. J, caught up in the moment, called out the answer and ended up being correct. Her prize was a Qur'an. As she came back to her seat near me, I leaned in and said, "Now you have something to swear on when you make your shahada." I will never know what prompted me to say that to her. I had made sure never to push the issue and even now, I said it in a joking way. To my utter surprise, J replied, "You are right. I will."

The next few moments remain a blur. I alerted Brother M and he called J to the stage and led her through the Shahada. "I declare there is no God but Allah and I declare that Mohammed is His messenger." Her husband, who had been taping what he thought was simply his daughter's recital was dumbfounded as he caught his fondest dream on tape. I still get chills as I remember that day. While her converting to Islam enriched J's life, it also deepened our relationship. She was now not only my dear friend but my sister in Islam.  

About a year ago, J said her husband had a chance to work in Saudi for a two year contract. I was sad to think of them leaving, but it was hardly an opportunity to be missed. As Muslims, we agreed, the chance to be able to make Hajj or even Umrah more often was wonderful. The children, A, 12, Ah, her son, 7, and Little Bit, my love angel, 4, could learn Arabic and get exposure to another culture. It was a win- win. And even if certain aspects of life there were difficult, (censorship, and the HEAT come to mind) it was only for a limited amount of time.

After many snafus with paperwork, on the part of the HR department of her husband's company, and after a separation of weeks as he had to go iron everything out in situ, the family finally left on Saturday. All their stuff is in storage, their apartment leased, their school books in the suitcases. We said our teary good byes a month ago, so we did only the abbreviated farewells on the phone on Saturday morning. No sense getting all maudlin and soggy. We tried to be strong and stoic. It's not as if we won't speak. They were able to keep their local phone number (gotta love technology!) and there is always email. God willing, the time will go smoothly for all of us. 

I look forward to hearing about their adventures and I am so happy for them to have this grand adventure. But I will miss them all so much. By the time they return, Little Bit will be reading on her own and won't need to sit in Auntie's lap for story. Her son will be a big man, and will remind me how much my Y has grown, and her big girl, A will be a young lady. I pray for their safety and their happiness and I look forward to when they return.

I comfort myself by remembering that the world really has gotten smaller in a lot of ways and they'll be back before I know it.