2 posts tagged “qotd”

What makes a person rich?

It is hard to answer this without falling into cliche and truisms. I've been thinking about this so much having just reread The Great Gatsby. Sadly while Gatsby had more material wealth than any of us could probably imagine, at the end, he is alone with no one but Nick to stand by him. In death, none of the hordes of people around him in life even bothered to show up for the funeral.

So, wealth for me is all about the people in my life whom I love and who love me. In our society, where millions are spent just on convincing us that we need this toy or that accessory, it is hard to keep a clear vision of what matters, what is valuable. I have always been blessed with plenty of things, but more importantly, I was truly wealthy because I had parents and family who not only loved me, they gave me limits, and taught me to be compassionate, grateful and honorable. Later, I had good friends who would stand by me, tell me honestly when I was wrong and love me anyway with all my faults and foibles. In my adult life I have been incredibly wealthy because of my husband who is the prototype of the "stand-up" guy. He is the one you want to "have your back" no matter what. I also have healthy children who remind me every day that as hard as it is, I want to be the best I can so that I can give them what I had, spiritually, emotionally and socially, (not materially).

And finally, I am incredibly wealthy because I have a spiritual life that keeps me grounded, yet makes me want to always aspire to Jenna. I have a strong faith in God and right and all that is good in the world, which gives me perspective on the darkest days. and a tradition of doing good for others, spreading love and care to others who need it.

So while, I don't have the McMansion, or the fancy car or the designer clothes, my kids are fed, I have lights and clean water and people around me that I think are pretty cool for a lot of reasons. I am wealthy.

What question do you hate being asked?

I don't hate the question exactly, and I know that it comes with the territory, depending on where I am. Maybe it's the teacher in me, but I see it as an obligation to help to educate people for the sake of my covered sisters who don't know how/are too shy/lack the English to explain. The question is, "Why do you wear that on your head?" alternately, "Why do you dress like that?"

Bear in mind that these questions are a lot more pleasant than being called a "Towel Headed B#$%^&!" which has happened, and certainly nicer than having rocks thrown at me, as happened to some of my sisters when they were walking with their babies in strollers. I do enjoy when people tell me to go back to my country. Sorry, you poor, ignorant xenophobe. This is the land of diversity. I was born here. I am one of you. And no, not part of some fifth column.

I have been taken for a nun (both times when I was extremely pregnant - different children.) People do have a weird sense of the world don't they? Most nuns don't even wear wimples anymore, and to my knowledge none of the orders has ever worn hot pink, lavender or turquoise as I am known to do. And since the Middle Ages, there haven't been too many pregnant nuns. Certainly not in Hoboken.

Then there are all the concommitant questions like, "Aren't you hot in that?" Well, let's see... If it's 95 with 89% humidity, I pretty much guess we are all  hot today. So I launch into social studies teacher mode and explain about the Beduins in the desert who wear long flowing robes to protect against the heat, and who have virtually no skin cancer; science teacher mode to explain about the air flow that can keep your body cool or warm (remember dressing in layers for the winter?); and textile teacher mode. Cotton fibers breathe. I never wear polyester.

The answer to the question of why I dress this way is simple. I cover my head and body for the sake of modesty, because I believe the only one who has any right to see, feel, experience, or comment on my body is the man I married. Other people will not have access to the vulnerable, intimate side of me. They will only be allowed access to whatever thoughts and ideas I choose to share; therefore they can only deal with me on that basis. It is my right to be respected and I take it very seriously. Even in my twenties, I never enjoyed running the gauntlet past the construction site. I never craved that kind of validation about my sexuality or my appeal.  

The bonus is that by keeping our bodies only for each other within our marriage, (yes my husband dresses only in long pants and sleeved shirts) that aspect of our lives is even more special and precious. It is a side of ourselves that we only share with each other. Something sacred. A gift from the Almighty.

The other reason I cover and can't imagine not covering, is that it does mark me as a Muslim. As a white, mostly Irish looking, woman, I would never be taken for who I am were I not to dress Islamically. It is a facet of my life that is so important to me, I don't want to be mistaken for anything else. Even after 9/11, when some of us were afraid to go out, I wasn't afraid. I didn't want to go out with my children, for fear someone might hurt them, but I was not afraid for myself.  

I see the questions as all part of the daily life and obligation of a Muslim. If Fox news, oh they of the Fairly Unbalanced reportage, is going to go so far out of their way and spend so much money to get everybody to fear us and hate us, the least I can do is be civil and speak intelligently to people to help deprogram them from the garbage they are fed by the media. Maybe I'll only be the "one exception" to what they wrongly believe is the "rule"; but maybe, just maybe, by the grace of God, I will be the one person who causes them to think and question. I guess I'll always be a teacher.

Some of my former students, and youth group colleagues did this PSA on some of these questions. Check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U73krmw0yA